A Cancer woman and a Virgo man are naturally compatible. Both homebodies, this water-earth element combination has solid potential to succeed in the long term once they make the initial adjustments required by any relationship. For these two zodiac signs, such shifts are relatively easy.
Cancer, the Moon's Child
Cancer is the cardinal water sign, deeply vulnerable and protective of her space. Her ruling planet, the Moon, is intimate and changeable, and so is she. Her feelings tug at her like the tides and at intervals; she must withdraw to be with herself, to reconnect with her depths, and take care of her emotional needs. Others may call her moody and even manipulative, but she cannot help herself. She is subject to the currents of her emotions, often rising from unresolved childhood memories, and these currents are not responsive to logic. When she experiences emotional responses, she must either surrender to her feelings or hide them behind an impervious shell until she can be alone. For a relationship to work, she must feel safe to be authentically herself and be free to close her doors at need.
Virgo, Perfect Service
The mutable signs are adaptable, but with the earth element, there are certain physical requirements. Virgo is highly sensitive to physical stimuli and is often obsessive about taking care of his body's needs. His dietary and health regimen can be strict, and he is fastidious to the extreme. He requires an orderly setting to soothe nerves jangled by the outside world with its jarring lights, noises, and smells. Life is painful for a Virgo. His attuned physiology continually directs his attention inward. The Virgo man seeks to be of service to a higher power, which, he insists, must define him. He is humble, yes, fiercely so. His relationships, while important to him, take a backseat to his sense of integrity and purpose. His goal is perfection--of himself, of his work, and of everything within his sphere. That is hard on a partner.
Shared Values, Great Sex Between Virgo and Cancer
Earth and water signs get along very well, generally. Specifically, cardinal water Cancer and mutable earth Virgo share many affinities. They are both protective of their personal space, and they are introverted homebodies. Natural partners, they are excellent friends and even better lovers. This is not a star-crossed love, they do not share a great romance. In fact, their relationship would make a boring movie because most of the action is internal. Drama is noticeably absent from this pairing although emotions are strong. When these two first meet, they like one another a lot. The physical attraction may not be immediately apparent, but it is deep. When they make love, they 'get' each other. Cancer's empathy and intuitive comfort and nurturing are well matched by Virgo's attuned physical senses and sense of integrity. Sex between Cancer and Virgo is more vanilla than espresso flake, but that doesn't mean there aren't fireworks. Combine that with a deep mutual ability to commit, and you have a winning hand.
These two make excellent, caring parents. Cancer's protective maternal instinct and ability to provide the material and emotional comfort and nourishment combine with Virgo's meticulous attention, understanding, and sensitivity to his children's needs.
The Devil Is in the Details
As always, there are obstacles to be overcome, lessons to learn, and adjustments to make. Cancer can be overly sensitive, interpreting constructive criticism as a vicious, uncalled for personal attack. The problem is, Virgo can be tone deaf about feelings. He is often so focused on the details of the argument, marshaling logic and facts to refute her emotional assertions, which make no sense to him, that he may not even notice she is triggered until she withdraws to weep alone, and the opportunity to connect is shut behind a closed door. This can create real problems between them if not resolved.
The Child Inside the Woman
This is Cancer's dark secret: when her emotions are triggered, she does not really know what is going on. She is catapulted back to the past and no matter her actual age, she reacts through her childhood emotional wounding. When this happens, she needs to feel heard and to be held. There are two Cancer women, not just one. The calm, competent woman is one, and the emotionally activated child is another. Whether she is sobbing or quietly, lip-quiveringly upset, she is a child.
She desperately needs to be allowed to cry about the terrible feelings she has had to store in the depths of her unconscious. When these emotions rise, the quickest way to resolve them is to allow them to flow as tears of grief, shame, and hurt. She can parent herself. If need be, she can go to her private space and take care of herself. However, intimacy is best served by sharing these deeply vulnerable moments with a safe partner. It is an opportunity for her to open, and for him to serve and support.
His Body's Natural Wisdom
Virgo is highly adaptable and capable of changing his ways, but he needs to understand why he should make the effort. For Virgo, everything is a choice, and choices must make sense to him. His mind is swift and powerful, but it is not confined to his brain. The Virgo mind occupies the entire nervous system, and this is the source of his extreme sensitivity. Mental pain is real to Virgo. If he does not understand, he can ramp up his thoughts into agonizing anxiety, attempting to drill down through the layers of cause and effect, questioning his own perceptions, and questioning them again. His physical senses are Virgo's blessing and salvation. He needs to soften his thoughts and relax into his body, his breath, and the simple functional actions of each living moment.
Be Tender, Be Kind
Virgo's penchant for criticism can lead to problems for Cancer. In turn, her emotional reactivity can amplify the issues. She knows in her heart he means no harm, yet she cannot prevent herself from being triggered as if he were her ancient perpetrator. When he understands this, he can be a powerful healer and partner for her. Ideally, he will not take her reactions personally. A Cancer woman is a creature of water. When the emotional tide rises, she is lost to reason. He should not try to meet her feelings with logic as it will only make her feel worse. Let her cry it out, hold her in his arms, cuddle and comfort her and above all, don't try to talk her out of her feelings in any way. This will not be easy at first for analytical Virgo until he relearns the simple language of the body. Any verbal argument is a trap between these two. Cancer cannot help herself, she will defend if she feels accused.
Other Influences on Cancer-Virgo Relationships
There are many other factors in the charts of a given Cancer-Virgo couple, such as the Moon's signs, Venus and Mars, other planets in aspect, and how each person's chart interacts with the others, so the Sun signs alone, though dominant, cannot show the whole picture. When there are incompatible factors, a visit to a professional astrologer for a synastry reading can help to tease out the conflicting influences and help develop a strategy for maximizing mutual support and trust.
When Virgo learns to choose careful kindness over correctness, and when Cancer feels safe enough to relax her imprinted defenses to expose her authentic vulnerability, the love that blooms between them will be beautiful. It is a true gem of the heart, cherished and cared for by both.